Things that are very, very wrong

[katallison]

[Or, In Which Kat is Ill-Humored About Various Trivialities]

We had a heatwave here this weekend, temperatures up around 90, with much sticky humidity, and that was annoying enough to begin with. Today, though somewhat cooler, brought lashings of rain, and then steamy sunshine, and humidity going beyond stickiness and into the breathless zone. So after work, I decided (most uncharacteristically) to head off to the air-conditioned mall, cool down, and maybe nose around to see if anyone, by any remote chance, is selling pants this fall that I would consider putting on my body.

I arrived at the mall, stumbled into Marshall Fields, wiping sweat from my brow and plucking at my damp t-shirt, strolled through menswear (with my usual snarling resentment about all the well-cut, attractively-hued, restrainedly-tailored, decent-fabric-incorporating clothing men get to wear), and rode the elevator up into the women's department, where I was confronted--nay, surrounded--by . . .

Christmas decorations. Santas to the left of me, glass balls to the right of me, pine boughs and twinkle-lights and candy canes all about me.

I flinched. I staggered. I raised my hand to shield my eyes and muttered "Jesus wept." For bitter amusement, I hung out a few minutes in Shoes, and watched other shoppers arising on the elevators wincing in shock and horror as the spectacle met their eyes.

Because, honest to God, Marshall Fields? Today is September 12. We have not even gotten to autumn equinox yet. It is still more than three months, which is to say a fourth of a year, until Christmas. Is it totally Scrooge-like of me to say, in this extremity, damnation take the retail establishments of this country?

On top of which, there are still no pants anywhere I would consider putting on my body. And furthermore, in addition, the Fashion Gods have apparently decreed that all women's jackets shall henceforth be (a) short, (b) tight, and (c) composed of (i) dreadful plasticky synthetic fabrics in (ii) hideous colors. Damnation.

(And yes, I am still composing the Pants Rant, which I trust shall blister the hides of everyone involved in the women's clothing industry. Watch this space.)

ETA: Oh, whee, just discovered we're under a tornado watch here. That would explain the persistence of sticky breathless humidity, all right.

Comments

[dsudis.livejournal.com]

I find myself suddenly, desperately glad that I don't know where my nearest department-store-anchored shopping mall is, lest I stumble into Christmas unawares. In my quaint little world, I get to be irritated by the fact that grocery stores are already filled with displays of Halloween candy. *g*

[vickita.livejournal.com]

Oh, dude, I was witness to sales people beginning the task of putting up the Christmas stuff in a local Big Department Store in *August*. I was out shopping on a lovely, sunny Saturday, and I walked past the empty place in the store with the crates that were just being unpacked... and I had to stand and stare, wide-eyed. And one of the saleswomen saw me and said, "Yeah, I know." And we both shook our heads sadly.

August.

[bkwyrm.livejournal.com]

I am SO with you on the jackets. Everyone keeps telling me that "shrunken blazers" are in, but I want a jacket that FITS ME!! Plus, thanks, I'm 5'2" and I don't want to look like I wandered into the children's section by mistake any more than I already do.
I look forward to the pants-rant, having been frustrated by boot-cut and flared-leg jeans for several years now.

[wickdzoot.livejournal.com]

:holds hands up before eyes: NO! Not Christmas in September! Are they smoking CRACK?

By the way, we're finally getting settled, so can we tempt you out for a brunch or summat to celebrate your birthday and that of the Mousewitch?

[katallison.livejournal.com]

That would be great! Right now I'm in the zone of utterly-overwhelmed-with-overwork, but maybe next weekend? I hope to have my brain back by then . . .

[wickdzoot.livejournal.com]

Next weekend could definitely work. Do you still have my phone number? Give us a call, ducks.

[aerye.livejournal.com]

I join you in rantiness and horror. Pants! Santas!

Whiskey!

[lapillus]

ETA: Oh, whee, just discovered we're under a tornado watch here. That would explain the persistence of sticky breathless humidity, all right.

*goes to check weather.com...

hmm, so we are.... It's an excuse to sit down here in the basement and play computer games, right?


As for your other rants - one of my coworkers was ranting of Xmas in September last week. I've managed to avoid the malls recently and am glad.

How do you do with men's pants? and have you checked out Lands End. Some of their blazers seem semi-sane, although I'm not sure about in colors that you want (you have such different coloring needs than either I or Jackie that I'm a bit vague on what does actually work on you other than grey).

[planetalyx.livejournal.com]

That is so unfair! I'd use my Ben Affleck 'that sucks' icon to show how unfair it is, but you've seen enough horrible sights for one day.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

I have long since given up on women's fashions for work dress. If I had money, my ass would be in Brooks Brothers. As it is, I haunt Goodwill like a haunting thing.

Also, I will forever picture you as Patti Smith, since I totally never knew that wasn't you in your userpic. I am the unwashed, uneducated masses.

[jackiekjono.livejournal.com]

My day kinda sucked, too. On the upside with pants - buttcrack fashion seems to be on its way out. Too slowly for my tastes but, we can't have everything.

Merry Christmas!

Butcrack fashion

[namastenancy.livejournal.com]

Oh - jeeze, please let that trend end! I have several tiny twinkies in my art class that always sit in front of the one open window in a gastly hot room and complain that they are cold -- mostly because their cropped tops don't cover their belly button or their ass crack. Today one of them asked me to shut the window. I refused and said "I don't want to be rude but if you wore a top that covered your butt, you wouldn't get so cold. If I am forced to shut the window in a room that's around 92 degrees, I will pass out. "

namaste sf nancy

Re: Butcrack fashion

[jackiekjono.livejournal.com]

And then there is the thong undies that stick out in the back. Do they know how ridiculous they look?

These kids today with their hair and their clothes!

[debg.livejournal.com]

Eep.

So is this a bad time to let you know I'll be at Once Upon A Crime, to do a reading and signing and Q&A and have dinner and stuff, on the Friday before Halloween....?

[namastenancy.livejournal.com]

Yes, not only do most men make more than we do, their clothes are better made, better fitted and come in reasonable colors and fabric. I've lost weight in the last several years but I'm still not (and never will be) small. Try getting decent pants in larger sizes or tops that aren't hideously floral and topped with lace. Some of the t-shirt hit my belly button; now I know that most women don't want to look like they are trying out for jobs at Hooters. rant, rant, rant.
Thank heavens we don't have Christmas stuff up yet but I'm sure that any day now.....Must extend the shopping season as far as possible.

More ranting....


namate sf nancy

[mlyn.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad my parents are somewhere in the Rockies right now. My dad would probably go on a screaming rampage if he saw that.

I'm glad other customers were equally horrified, though.

[tehomet.livejournal.com]

Polyester = evil. Truly.

Christmas stuff already?! I saw some Hallowe'en goods in a shop two days ago and thought that they were ridiculously early.

[byob-kenobi.livejournal.com]

Pants rant! I want the pants rant!

[faos.livejournal.com]

Joining the chorus -- I'd love to hear the pants rant!

And I'll agree about the short/cropped jackets... Hello, they make the MODELS look bad. This is a fashion that makes people who are paid to look good in anything look out of proportion.

So the next time I hear a retailer whining about how they didn't make their quarterly earnings because (a) the weather was bad (b) shoppers are unwilling to look fashionable (c) the stars weren't aligned correctly, I will feel no pity when I smack them upside their idiot heads. (Well, at least figuratively!)