(no subject)

[katallison]

Life's roller-coaster continues. This morning I sat through a staff meeting about the impending policy changes that convinced me, finally, once and for all, that I have to get out of this job whether or not I have something else lined up, that I'm simply not willing to work under the new regime. Then I went back to my office, seething and panicky, stomach churning--and there was an e-mail from Job Prospect #2, saying they want to interview me. Which is good, yes. But at the same time it means re-opening the whole subject of relocation with P., which went so extremely badly last time. I think that once Job Prospect #1 fizzled, he relaxed, thinking that we were now safely back to the status quo, so this is going to cause him a lot of pain all over again. Reprise seething panicky stomach-churning.

The fact is, though, that there simply aren't any openings in my field in this town right now, nor are there likely to be in the foreseeable future. Since staying on in my current job isn't an option, I can (a) look for a comparable job elsewhere, or (b) quit this job, stay here, and do temp work or something for a while. Which isn't something I can really afford to do just now (though to be honest, it has its appeal).

Breathing deeply. Even though I'm so tense I feel like you could bounce quarters off my freakin' aura, I haven't gone back on the cigs, which is at least something.

Comments

[popfantastic.livejournal.com]

*megahugs* Remember, the big yellow banana always awaits you with its cool metallic embrace.

[umbo.livejournal.com]

First of all, *hugs*.

Second, I know this is really, really, sucky, and I'm sorry, and I'm hoping things get better soon. It doesn't seem like there's anything else that I can say that would help (although I, personally, think it would be really fucking cool if you somehow ended up at, say, UT ;-)), but if there's anything I can do, please let me know.

Third, I am *so* excited for you on the quitting smoking! It must be even more difficult right now, with everything else that's been going on, but I urge you to keep it up.

Fourth, *more hugs*.

[nestra.livejournal.com]

I'm currently living through a period of reorganization, and it is just not fun. There's something so frustrating, at least for me, of being low enough on the totem pole that you can't have any effect on anything, and you just have to sit by and watch as they do what they do (in my case, half my team was laid off and we were moved to a new manager, completely without warning).

The good thing is that it sounds like your job is secure for the time being, which gives you some flexibility in terms of job searching. Best of luck.

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

I'm sending you white fawn vibes.

What are those, you ask? Well, in college I knew this flakey woman who told me about her spiritual guide named White Fawn. For years, becuase of her speech patterns, I thought she said "wipe off vibes." Anyhow, she believed White Fawn controlled her life, and that when she thought of WF and believed in WF's vibrations in the cosmos, things would be better. And she was the happiest person I know of, even though her life was a mess. So I send white fawn vibes to people mentally when I can. They're almost as good as {{hugs}}.

I totally empathize with what you're going through about the job and the misery and the wanting to change. I hope it works out for you! {{{white fawn vibes}}}

at the risk of boring you...

[(Anonymous)]

Please feel free to sleep in front of my fireplace again, if you're heading out soon.

And I'm not surprised they're interviewing you!
Lynn

Stuff

[kassrachel.livejournal.com]

Something tells me there won't be any job openings in your field out here in the boondocks of western Massachusetts, but if your travels bring you anywhere near here, I hope you know that I intend to kidnap you and ply you with good scotch and excellent food and all the comforts our hot tub can provide.

Um, I mean that in a totally non-stalkery way, of course. ;-)

I'm so sorry the job thing continues to suck. Ditto the projected suckiness of impending conversation with P. My thoughts are with you. I'm here if you need me -- vent away.

[planetalyx.livejournal.com]

It's more than just something--it's amazing. To have success at quitting smoking when life is so crappy is very impressive. Go you!

Job and money and possible moving stress is the worst. I hope things clear up soon.

[laurashapiro.livejournal.com]

::massaging your shoulders::

You're doing great. This is all going to work out. I believe in you.

[katallison.livejournal.com]

<perking up> Yes! Zooooommm!! Leaning into the turns!!! Wheeeee!!!

Nia, I hope you know how very, very much better you and Miss Sheila make my world. (Except for the sadness that I can't just wave my hand *whoosh* and make families and illnesses and school disappear, to be replaced by a million dollars and your own island.) Megahugs back to you, amazing being.

[katallison.livejournal.com]

Hugs back to you, shell, and thanks so much! Really, the suckiness just grows out of my own petulant desire to have things go the way I *want* them to ... that old attachment thing, which I know you understand. *g*

Really looking forward to seeing you at Connexions!

[katallison.livejournal.com]

You're exactly right -- it's the sense of having no power over changes that will radically affect one's working life that's so crazymaking. And yes, despite my crankiness, I can hold tight where I am until I choose to leave. (I mean, eventually my job may well disappear, but that wouldn't be for a year or so, probably.)

It was fabulous to see you at Escapade, btw! Hope you're making it through the Mardi Gras craziness intact...

[katallison.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much, gwyn! And I know you're probably going through worse, being in a situation where the shit is actually thwapping against the fan blades, and splattering all over the place. *g*

I shall (rather tentatively) ease into those white fawn vibes, and vibrate along with them. (Although I have to say there's a part of my brain that really likes "wipe off vibes." Heee.)

[katallison.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Lynn--that's wonderfully kind of you. I'm still trying to negotiate dates/times, but will keep you and others posted. This may be more a kind of whizz in/whizz out visit, though.

(Oh gawd, I have to haul my interview drag to the cleaners ... dammit...)

[katallison.livejournal.com]

<contemplating hot tub, good scotch, excellent food, and of course the company of Kass Rachel> Jobs in my field be damned--I don't suppose you need a housekeeper? a gardener? a live-in minion?

Thanks so much for the lovely offer and kind thoughts. I wish to god we'd actually managed to get that deep uninterrupted late-night conversation at Escapade. Next year, dammit!

[katallison.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much, Alyx! I did actually crack this afternoon and bum a smoke from a colleague--and it tasted *horrible.* Which means staying off the cigarettes should be much easier, because I've reached the point of detoxifying where the innate awfulness of them creates a sort of self-reinforcing negative feedback loop.

[katallison.livejournal.com]

<whimpering with gratitude, melting happily>

Well, I'll take strength from your confidence. *Something* will work out, one way or the other. I just can't believe how fortunate I am to have such wonderful people who help walk me through it all, and talk me down from the bridge railing. *g*

[planetalyx.livejournal.com]

Hurrah for negative feedback. Don't trash yourself too badly for cracking, though--these things do happen. :)

to sleek, to stripe, to sine and not to squeal.

[tazlet.livejournal.com]

I could recite all of Ulysses for you, since I'm still on a Tennyson kick, but I'm still too sick to duck the punch. As far as the job goes, think of yourself as a strange visitor from another planet, making a study of human bureaucracy pending the take over. You are a Belemnite from the planet Belemnon (fr. Gk: dart) On August 18th, 2004 you are going to let the air out of their tires as a signal to your fleet (currently in orbit around Saturn) to come in and finish mopping up. As far as that individual (code named P) with whom you are studying the human mating ritual, give him a topological map and a compass-time he learned orienteering.

[falzalot.livejournal.com]

Good luck with the job situation. I'll keep my fingers crossed that everything works out the way you want it too. But I'm positive you'll land on your feet no matter what shit they throw your way. :-)

And it's so awesome that you're staying away from the cigs!! I'm starting to wonder if that Wellbutrin stuff would help somebody stick with weight watchers... :-)

[popfantastic.livejournal.com]

Aww shucks, Miss Kat, you know you're a head cabana girl on that island.

Of course, I will have to arrange cold spells every so often (I can do that, you know, I got powers you ain't even seen), in order that you may lounge around the bungalows in your badass leather jacket.

[therealjae.livejournal.com]

Okay, can I just say how impressed I am that you haven't started smoking again through all *that*? Very very.

Hang in there.

-J

[brynwulf]

So I'm reading your blog, as I always do, simply astounded and amazed there are NO comments. I leave my .02 then wander over here and see 21 freaking attagirls (well, including your return comments) and now mine seems trite and not so helpful, but I'm going to leave it here nonetheless.

I know its little consolation at the moment, especially when the stomach is churning and you feel backed into a corner, but...

At the risk of sounding all preachy, the universe usually has a way of swooshing you along the right path if you don't fight it. At least, that's what I've found. It's so much easier said than done, Kat, but I know from past experience (and some current exp.) that the less you fight, the clearer (and easier to make) the decision becomes. Good luck and you know you've got tons of friends who are here for you.
Meg