(no subject)

Life's roller-coaster continues. This morning I sat through a staff meeting about the impending policy changes that convinced me, finally, once and for all, that I have to get out of this job whether or not I have something else lined up, that I'm simply not willing to work under the new regime. Then I went back to my office, seething and panicky, stomach churning--and there was an e-mail from Job Prospect #2, saying they want to interview me. Which is good, yes. But at the same time it means re-opening the whole subject of relocation with P., which went so extremely badly last time. I think that once Job Prospect #1 fizzled, he relaxed, thinking that we were now safely back to the status quo, so this is going to cause him a lot of pain all over again. Reprise seething panicky stomach-churning.

The fact is, though, that there simply aren't any openings in my field in this town right now, nor are there likely to be in the foreseeable future. Since staying on in my current job isn't an option, I can (a) look for a comparable job elsewhere, or (b) quit this job, stay here, and do temp work or something for a while. Which isn't something I can really afford to do just now (though to be honest, it has its appeal).

Breathing deeply. Even though I'm so tense I feel like you could bounce quarters off my freakin' aura, I haven't gone back on the cigs, which is at least something.