(no subject)

[katallison]

I want to send a big shout-out of gratitude to everyone who's showered me with wonderful music recommendations--I spent a lovely day today taking time now and then to listen to various cool new things. It's striking to me how thoroughly accustomed I've gotten to silence as the normal state of being chez Kat, and how much of an actual effort it requires to take in and process auditory input--it's rather like I have to reconfigure some of the cognitive circuitry, or something. Definitely a habit change, but I've decided that this spring is going to be all about the habit changes. The winter that is now (I hope) passing has felt like a time marked by death, loss, thwartedness, not just in my own life but in that of lots of people I know. But with the turning of the season I've started to feel this weird sense of big change impending, and (I hope) change for the better.

As trivial as it seems, the humdrum change of keeping the place cleaned up seems to have gotten established in my life, and continues to make a remarkable difference in my mood and overall sense of efficacy. It's like -- whoa, all of a sudden I'm no longer a slob! which gives me this somewhat wild-eyed crazed faith that I can change other stale old self-definitions and behavioral patterns.

Not all the changes are necessarily going to be pleasant, or entirely under my control; much potential weirdness impends at work (about which I should know a lot more this coming week). But one thing I can control is the tendency I've had these past few years to let sources of pleasure, things that enlarge my life, slip out of my hands. For a while now I've been in this sort of grey discouraged slogging space of oh, well, getting older, guess it's time to get ready to die, eh. Except, actually? Not. Unless I get hit by a bus tomorrow, or am cut down, wheezing and expiring, by the avian flu pandemic, I'll likely be around a while yet, and just as I am not, at 51, anyone much at all like the person I was ten or twenty or thirty years ago, so I need no longer be like the tired discouraged person I've been the past few years. Everything changes, and all that.

And thanks again, to everyone who's helped me out with the getting-music-back-in-my-life project. You are all wonderful people.

Comments

[rhi]

{{hugs}} And I hope the life changes are (when you've adapted to them) wanted, dear.

[the-star-fish.livejournal.com]

I find that most of the time, I can tune music in or out, depending on the volume and my other activities -- washing the dishes is less brain-consuming than work-stuff, for example. The one exception to this is classical music. It seems to demand to be listened to, and paid attention to. Pushy.

I applaud you on your house-neatening efforts. It really does feel good to have a nice clean place to be. I wish I could manage it for more than a day or two. Or really, I wish the other two people I live with could be bothered. Grr.

[cherryice.livejournal.com]

I realize I am an odd one, for music. I have to have music on -- I find silence to be louder, as odd as it sounds. I'll be the first one to admit that I talk a great amount, and silence just bothers me.

I also find music is good for shutting out distractions, and a pair of head phones (connected to a discman, of course) is about the only thing that lets me actually study in the library at school. Otherwise I get distracted by all the people I know, and talking, and with my having the attention span of a gerbil on speed.

Which is just my long-winded way of saying that I know what you mean about effort to process sensory input, because it takes a lot of energy for me to deal with not processing it.

Good thoughts and cookies about all the rest. *G* Change is fun.

Right. Not spamming your journal any more. Uhuh.

[theodosia.livejournal.com]

I'll have some mix CDs for you at Connexions!

I think I need a music icon, but I'll go with Hugh as a substitute.

[brynwulf]

Kat, I'm so glad you've decided things don't have to be grey and dreary at Chez Kat. Life truly does become a wonder when you decide you won't let the bastards get you down. At the risk of sounding way more Pollyanna than I am in RL, there truly is nothing you can't get through with a bit of optimism and hope. Life's too short for all that negativity, no matter how long it is.

And enough with the platitudes, but it really makes me happy to see one of my friends experience a change in attitude.

[killabeez.livejournal.com]

It's like -- whoa, all of a sudden I'm no longer a slob! which gives me this somewhat wild-eyed crazed faith that I can change other stale old self-definitions and behavioral patterns.

You know what's wild? You can. I remember a few years ago when you got into working out, how I was impressed and inspired by you. I'm still at the stage of "wow, I'm... jogging. Look at that!" and "Wow, I'm not the fat girl in every group any more," and "wow, I don't get out of breath hiking up a mountain now - how weird is that?" It is trippy to realize such a simple thing, that we are actually in control of our own behavior and environment to a huge degree. Life itself is bigger than us, but there's still a lot we can change.

Enjoying your music exploration, even if I came in too late to catch up. Much fun ahead!

[arallara.livejournal.com]

Man, Kat, I respect your approach to life, the universe, and everything so much. My mom turned 59 this weekend, and I had a really good talk with her yesterday about the approach to 60 and how it feels. She was talking about the degeneration process of aging, but how it's so entirely possible to re-generate oneself, over and over, as part of that process. I'm so excited that you sound like you're ready for a regeneration. As always, you rock. *mwah*

[wickdzoot.livejournal.com]

Well, I'm 52, so I can relate to the whole oh, well, getting older, time to die. But dammit, we're stuck here for a bit longer, eh, so we might as well have some fun. :g:

[planetalyx.livejournal.com]

so I need no longer be like the tired discouraged person

This warms my heart.

I'm reading backwards, of course, so I don't know yet what kind of music you're looking for. If nobody's beaten me to all my recs I'll let you know.

[laurashapiro.livejournal.com]

I envy you. You're in my favorite mental place of all right now: Spring Cleaning. Sweeping away the darkness and the cobwebs in the corners, dusting off the sources of joy, opening up the windows to let in the air and the light. Smelling smells. Hearing sounds. Embracing change.

Hallelujah.

No Music Recs

[(Anonymous)]

But I did want to say I'm happy things are coming together better for you.


AnneZo