(no subject)

[katallison]

Lovely lovely evening, soft and fragrant. It's overcast--not the heavy overcast of impending rain, but a sort of high vaguely muted dappled-grey sky. The air is very still and mild, not warm, not chilly, and many birds are singing, and the trees are suffused with the tender fresh green of new leaves just unfurling. I adore grey days like this, vastly preferring them to brilliant sunshine/blue skies, and I reflect once again that I really should be living in the Pacific NW, and that my own personal hell would be, let's say, late afternoon in LA on a hot summer day, with the scorching blinding sun, and the stench of dust and traffic fumes, and being covered all over with sticky filthy sweat.

This week has been one of the worst of my recent memory, for job-related reasons that don't need explication at this juncture, and around midday on Thursday I lost my shit completely while talking with my best-buddy-at-work P., and had a minor meltdown in her office about all the stuff I haven't been dealing with adequately the past few weeks, and how behind I am on everything, and how asphyxiated with guilt I feel about about all of it. She heard me out, and then peaceably said something along the lines of "You know, you've really had a bad half-year, what with your boyfriend having the cancer surgery, and your father and stepmother dying, and now all this stuff at work." And somehow, hearing her say this -- I still feel bad about having gotten so behind on everything, and I still hate being That Person who Can't Cope And Has the Meltdown when life gets snarly, but I was able to take a step back and realize that actually there's a reason why my functioning has been a bit subpar lately, and after breathing deeply for a while I managed to regain some sort of equilibrium and focus. I'm still behind on everything and stressed, but am at least no longer in the asphyxiated with guilt space.

And eeeee! heres_luck tagged me with the music meme, and I shall attempt to comply (at some point, probably tomorrow), though great is my inadequacy and unworthiness. I should do it now, but I am going to watch Ed Wood and munch on pretzels and drink cheap champagne. Friday!!

Comments

[umbo.livejournal.com]

You know, sometimes hearing it from someone else makes such a huge difference. And we all need to lose our shit on occasion, right?

*smootch*

Aliens made me do it...

[namastenancy.livejournal.com]

You are totally entitled to lose your shit; hell, I'd have gone postal with a fraction of what you've had to deal with. Death,work and taxes. UG! But go here for a hilarious series of posts and story spoofs on a number of the shows that we love. I saw ficlets from Due South, Harry Potter, Highlander, SG1, PoC...too funny. Hopefully it will cheer you up and in the meantime, I'm working on vodoo curses for the PtB at your workplace. I look back on 1965 or 1975 and am very saddened by what is happening in politics, the workplace and education. Maybe all of us LJ palls will get together, buy a place somewhere out of all the storm and provide a refuge from the world outside while taking care of each other, cooking great meals, writing great stories and (gasp), maybe even cleaning house once in a while...

namaste SF Nancy


Aliens made them
I'm very fond of "Aliens made them do it" stories. Considered as smut, they've got a lot going for them -- easy method of getting reluctant characters who think they're straight to go to bed together, nice insta-angst afterwards.

Sometimes, though, I can't stop myself from considering them not as smut but as stories.

And then I start thinking: Aliens only ever want slash characters to do four things: Be (or pose as) master and slave; ingest intoxicants; fight; or fuck.

Why not something really useful? Carry water, chop wood, build stuff?

Or something genuinely entertaining? Dance? Sing?

Or, for unfathomable alien reasons, crochet?
http://www.livejournal.com/users/resonant8/84464.html

[nagasvoice.livejournal.com]

! Methos china-painting!
PS--I'm glad your friend was able to say calm things and make you feel much better. Now that's a friend.

[the-shoshanna.livejournal.com]

But, you know, having a meltdown can be a legitimate means of coping. I mean, your stress hit toxic overload, and you screamed and wept and ranted or whatever, and now -- you're feeling better. With work-buddy P.'s help you've shed that load of worthless, useless guilt and gotten a better perspective on what's going on, and you're breathing. These are good things.

You've dealt, and are still dealing, with an insane amount of shit, and brief bursts of insanity are a reasonable response, IMO. You have a huge load to carry right now, and it's not surprising that you stumble sometimes. But you have strength, and wit, and gritty stubbornness, and pretzels and cheap champagne, and someday all this will be the past, not the present. And your friends are with you now, and will still be with you then. Hugs to you.

[laurashapiro.livejournal.com]

I'm very glad you came to a more comfortable place on all the work stress. Your friend is wise.

Be good to you.

[planetalyx.livejournal.com]

Browing through your blog in search of the chicken with artichokes, I realized I'd missed this post. (Awesome recipe, an utter keeper, btw).

I'm still behind on everything and stressed, but am at least no longer in the asphyxiated with guilt space.

I am glad you've moved away from the asphyxiated space, but of course sorry about the stress and the being behind.