(no subject)

[katallison]

So, 2005 -- lordy. Quite the year. I went back just now to see if I'd posted any foolish optimism last New Year's, which I could then point at and laugh the laugh of bitter irony -- but in fact what I found was this account of a dream which is, looking at the year in retrospect, amazingly apropos, and remains so for 2006. Because my life these days isn't falling into neat annual divisions (not that anyone's does, of course) -- rather, I'm in the middle of what feels like it'll be maybe a three-to-four-year-long sequence of major, foundational life changes. Not only are big pieces of furniture being chucked down to the psychological basement, so to speak, but I may be knocking down some walls and repainting, or, hell, putting the whole place on the market and hitching up the U-Haul.

This is, I should add, a good thing; there's no time like one's early fifties to commence with the kicking out of the jams, because really, if not now, when?

So -- some of the more notable events of 2005, in my own life:

• my stepmother died;


• six weeks later my father died;


• a huge reorganization plan was launched at work, which will (among other things) do away with my job, and drastically diminish my work unit, over the next six months;


• I came to terms with the fact that other people see me as a highly skilled professional with a bright future, who could seriously compete for very high-octane jobs in my field;


• I applied in May, and interviewed in October, for a big exciting high-octane job in City o' my Dreams;


• and then the hire was put on hold, and god knows when any decision will actually be made;


• I spent a really amazing amount of time, despite my best intentions, obsessing over everything that would be involved in relocating to City o' my D. (scanning rental ads, debating the merits of various neighborhoods, getting estimates of moving costs, setting up a desktop widget to show me concurrently the weather both here and there) and indulging in rosy-hued fantasies of the wonderfulness of my New Relocated Life;


• I quit smoking, for good;


• and I wrote nothing all year long.

For better or worse, 2006 should bring some sort of closure to my insanely protracted Where will I be living? and What job will I have? dither. I hope that getting things quieted down on that front will let me refocus some energy in a fannish/writerly direction. But in fact, I think I'm in the process of some kind of subterranean shifting in my relationship with fandom. I'm not gafiating or anything, just recalibrating the balance between fandom and other areas of my life. Part of which will involve some cogitation about this LJ, how I want to use it and what for, so my posting may continue to be sparse for a while. But I'm continuing to read, absolutely, and I continue to cherish the presence of you all in my life. Happy 2006 to everyone!