In which I am a contrary old geezer

[katallison]

I am feeling rather aged and grumpy and out of swing with the hip kids today, for several reasons:

(a) I'm not doing the Yuletide Treasures/Obscure Fandoms thingie. For a variety of reasons, most of which have to do with my writing-brain's apparently implacable powers of resistance to doing anything to spec. There's a whole ancillary set of ponderings here (which I'm too tired to play out at length) about how fanfiction and the writing thereof often serves as a sort of social currency--writing a nice bit of smut to cheer someone up, or as a birthday present or return for a favor or something--and while I quite like it that people do that, it's not something I can really do myself. Because, ultimately? My writing is all about me me me me me, not that I necessarily like that fact, but I've learned that to pretend I function otherwise is fairly unproductive.

(b) Also, though I'm delighted everyone is getting to have great fun with scads o' new icons, and I'm enjoying seeing the results, I really am not a prolific icon person myself, and am perfectly content with my measly ten. I like having a single signature icon that I use on most occasions, and whipping out a few alternates only in particular situations or moods. Then too, making really good icons requires skills in compression, selection, and brevity--rather like writing haiku, or witty postcards--and that's never been my forte.

(c) Nix likewise on the audblog thing; a bunch of years ago I was doing an internship in a mental health clinic, and my supervisor was determined that I'd learn how to dictate my case notes instead of writing them, and I discovered how hellishly difficult it is for me to produce orderly, well-composed sentences when I'm simply talking into a machine. I ended up having to type out my notes, edit them, and *then* read them into the recorder, and that's what I'd have to do with an audblog entry, which would kind of defeat the purpose.

So you kids, y'all go on and enjoy yourselves, I'll just sit here on the front porch, rocking and clacking my dentures and taking a nip out of the brandy bottle from time to time.

Comments

[katallison.livejournal.com]

Oh, yeah, babe, and I'll buy the first round. *g*

Funny, I had a whole additional paragraph I was going to add onto this thing about how, at every party I've ever been at, even when I'm having a good time, there's that moment of ::snap:: when I suddenly disconnect, and then I'm standing on the outside, watching all the fun-having people, taking notes, maybe -- but there was no way I could write it that didn't come out sounding all pathetic and self-pitying, which isn't what it's about at all, really. And I only say it now because I know that you're one of the people who really gets that moment of ::snap::.

Anyway. Sending you love and squalor, across the miles.

[jackiekjono.livejournal.com]

I do that, too. Unfortunately, it seems to happen in the middle of conversations so I come off as being rather rude and kind of nuts.

Oops.

[katallison.livejournal.com]

Well, Jackie, of course you know you *are* kind of nuts, and I say that in the most affectionate way possible. *g* (And I reiterate, if that "Don't Worry, Be Happy" vid ever comes to pass, all the blame shall lie squarely in your lap.)

[bethbethbeth.livejournal.com]

...at every party I've ever been at, even when I'm having a good time, there's that moment of ::snap:: when I suddenly disconnect, and then I'm standing on the outside, watching all the fun-having people, taking notes...

Jeez. And here I thought I was the only person who did that.

The thing? Nobody (or almost nobody) - within fandom circles, at least - thinks that I'm that kind of person. I *think* - although I could be totally wrong about this - that I'm perceived as being a fairly 'in the moment' kind of gal, not angsting over everything, not feeling estranged from or uncomfortable in groups, not...well, you get the picture. But that's not really me. And yet...it's rather appealing, sometimes, to think of myself that way...and so in an attempt to *be* that person (at least virtually), I *do*, occasionally, take part in challenges or similar things.

However, I think about a lot of the meme-ish things that have gone around recently: describe me in a word? what stories do you want me to finish? what stories of mine do you hate? what stories do you love? what songs define me? blah, blah, blah...no, I just can't do any of that. Story exchanges I can do (just barely), but that's about as far as it goes.

[elynross.livejournal.com]

I'll join you with that ::snap:: moment -- Kassrachel and I have talked about it, as well.

I'll also join you on the porch, except for the icons. *g* I can't make snazzy ones, but I have friends who do, and I like to have lots of them.

I'm completely out of the swing on the Yuletide thing, though. I even have three or more stories that would fit right in -- but I don't want to write them for someone else. I get odd feelings even thinking about doing so, as if they wouldn't be mine anymore. It seems like a great idea overall, and a lot of people are clearly having a lot of fun with it, but I'm feeling weirdly cranky and out-of-sorts about it, for a variety of reasons that have nothing to do with it, and everything to do with me.

And I don't even listen to the audioblog bits. *g* The whole idea freaks me out a little, probably because I hate to hear myself that way.