In which I am a contrary old geezer

[katallison]

I am feeling rather aged and grumpy and out of swing with the hip kids today, for several reasons:

(a) I'm not doing the Yuletide Treasures/Obscure Fandoms thingie. For a variety of reasons, most of which have to do with my writing-brain's apparently implacable powers of resistance to doing anything to spec. There's a whole ancillary set of ponderings here (which I'm too tired to play out at length) about how fanfiction and the writing thereof often serves as a sort of social currency--writing a nice bit of smut to cheer someone up, or as a birthday present or return for a favor or something--and while I quite like it that people do that, it's not something I can really do myself. Because, ultimately? My writing is all about me me me me me, not that I necessarily like that fact, but I've learned that to pretend I function otherwise is fairly unproductive.

(b) Also, though I'm delighted everyone is getting to have great fun with scads o' new icons, and I'm enjoying seeing the results, I really am not a prolific icon person myself, and am perfectly content with my measly ten. I like having a single signature icon that I use on most occasions, and whipping out a few alternates only in particular situations or moods. Then too, making really good icons requires skills in compression, selection, and brevity--rather like writing haiku, or witty postcards--and that's never been my forte.

(c) Nix likewise on the audblog thing; a bunch of years ago I was doing an internship in a mental health clinic, and my supervisor was determined that I'd learn how to dictate my case notes instead of writing them, and I discovered how hellishly difficult it is for me to produce orderly, well-composed sentences when I'm simply talking into a machine. I ended up having to type out my notes, edit them, and *then* read them into the recorder, and that's what I'd have to do with an audblog entry, which would kind of defeat the purpose.

So you kids, y'all go on and enjoy yourselves, I'll just sit here on the front porch, rocking and clacking my dentures and taking a nip out of the brandy bottle from time to time.

Comments

[eliade.livejournal.com]

Re audblog, or anything else, I'm no early adopter. I'm in the late, late, rigor-mortised adopter stratum. I think it's a cool idea and contemplated doing a single free post, but laziness is winning out over that passing thought. And I contemplated the story-writing thing, with a nod to fannish and holiday spirit and all that, but the obscurity factor intimidates me and my motiviation wouldn't be high, and because of that the results would be so-so at best...so, I'm passing too. I'll be with you in the out-of-swing gang. Everyone will be grinding and glad-handing in the Holiday Inn banquet room come Christmas and we can move off to a dark bar and huddle together. *g*

[katallison.livejournal.com]

Oh, yeah, babe, and I'll buy the first round. *g*

Funny, I had a whole additional paragraph I was going to add onto this thing about how, at every party I've ever been at, even when I'm having a good time, there's that moment of ::snap:: when I suddenly disconnect, and then I'm standing on the outside, watching all the fun-having people, taking notes, maybe -- but there was no way I could write it that didn't come out sounding all pathetic and self-pitying, which isn't what it's about at all, really. And I only say it now because I know that you're one of the people who really gets that moment of ::snap::.

Anyway. Sending you love and squalor, across the miles.

[jackiekjono.livejournal.com]

I do that, too. Unfortunately, it seems to happen in the middle of conversations so I come off as being rather rude and kind of nuts.

Oops.

[katallison.livejournal.com]

Well, Jackie, of course you know you *are* kind of nuts, and I say that in the most affectionate way possible. *g* (And I reiterate, if that "Don't Worry, Be Happy" vid ever comes to pass, all the blame shall lie squarely in your lap.)

[bethbethbeth.livejournal.com]

...at every party I've ever been at, even when I'm having a good time, there's that moment of ::snap:: when I suddenly disconnect, and then I'm standing on the outside, watching all the fun-having people, taking notes...

Jeez. And here I thought I was the only person who did that.

The thing? Nobody (or almost nobody) - within fandom circles, at least - thinks that I'm that kind of person. I *think* - although I could be totally wrong about this - that I'm perceived as being a fairly 'in the moment' kind of gal, not angsting over everything, not feeling estranged from or uncomfortable in groups, not...well, you get the picture. But that's not really me. And yet...it's rather appealing, sometimes, to think of myself that way...and so in an attempt to *be* that person (at least virtually), I *do*, occasionally, take part in challenges or similar things.

However, I think about a lot of the meme-ish things that have gone around recently: describe me in a word? what stories do you want me to finish? what stories of mine do you hate? what stories do you love? what songs define me? blah, blah, blah...no, I just can't do any of that. Story exchanges I can do (just barely), but that's about as far as it goes.

[elynross.livejournal.com]

I'll join you with that ::snap:: moment -- Kassrachel and I have talked about it, as well.

I'll also join you on the porch, except for the icons. *g* I can't make snazzy ones, but I have friends who do, and I like to have lots of them.

I'm completely out of the swing on the Yuletide thing, though. I even have three or more stories that would fit right in -- but I don't want to write them for someone else. I get odd feelings even thinking about doing so, as if they wouldn't be mine anymore. It seems like a great idea overall, and a lot of people are clearly having a lot of fun with it, but I'm feeling weirdly cranky and out-of-sorts about it, for a variety of reasons that have nothing to do with it, and everything to do with me.

And I don't even listen to the audioblog bits. *g* The whole idea freaks me out a little, probably because I hate to hear myself that way.

[destina.livejournal.com]

1 - I signed up, but I'm plagued with doubt. What if I am santa to someone who's impossible to please? What if my santa thinks punctuation and grammar are optional? What if my santa writes me a mad-lib ATG?? The possibilities are staggering.

and

b - Who said icons have to be good?

and

III - Fuggedaboudit. If people want to know what I sound like, they can come to Escapade and meet me. I've learned how to force myself to speak out loud at cons. There's a possibility they might be able to get a sense of my voice. *g*

[katallison.livejournal.com]

Who said icons have to be *good*?

Well, hey, anything worth doing is worth beating oneself into a perfectionistic self-doubting neurotic mess over, right? (Which would explain both a great deal of your behavior, Miss I-Have-a-Gazillion-Fabulous-Stories-I'm-Refusing-to-Post [oh, yeah, Carol has ratted you out to me], as well as my own I-Shall-Never-Actually-Finish-This-Amazingly-Sucky-Vid stuff.)

If people want to know what I sound like, they can come to Escapade and meet me.

Heh. Ah-yup, anyone who wishes to hear my own Golden Voice has only to get themselves to Escapade (or Connexions, or VividCon), feed me a few drinks, and hit the button, Frank. (The problem is usually getting me to *shaddup*.)

And it goes without saying that I'm delighted when I do get to hear you speak out loud at cons (or wherever). Hurry up and get here, February!

[destina.livejournal.com]

(Which would explain both a great deal of your behavior, Miss I-Have-a-Gazillion-Fabulous-Stories-I'm-Refusing-to-Post [oh, yeah, Carol has ratted you out to me], as well as my own I-Shall-Never-Actually-Finish-This-Amazingly-Sucky-Vid stuff.)

Waaaaaaaaaaait, waitwaitwait. See, there's a word substitution problem in that sentence. I have a gazillion fabulous unfinished stories I'm refusing to post unable to find time to work on.

Yes. That's better. *g*

February can't get here fast enough!

[tzikeh.livejournal.com]

What if I am santa to someone who's impossible to please? What if my santa thinks punctuation and grammar are optional? What if my santa writes me a mad-lib ATG??

Well, look at it this way. It's nice if your recipient is pleased, but chances are good that lots of *other* people will be equally (if not more) pleased, so you're really not just writing for one person. It's the gift that keeps on giving.

And if someone writes you a bad story, well - there will be hundreds of others to read! It's the gift that keeps on giving! ;)

The way I'm approaching it is, yay! A big pile of new fiction! And not worrying so much about who is writing what for whom.

[destina.livejournal.com]

The way I'm approaching it is, yay! A big pile of new fiction! And not worrying so much about who is writing what for whom.

I elaborated on what I was thinking in my own journal, but yes. As I said yesterday - I figure at least a quarter of what's written will be in fandoms I'm happy to read. It really will be Christmas in a computer. *g*

[violetisblue.livejournal.com]

The Obscure Santa thing tempted me, save for two factors: 1) that little note saying the story must be "at least a thousand words long" (can't manage it with the other writing going on) and 2) my distinct recollection, observing several fannish Secret Santas last year, of several persons declaring in their LiveJournals, "Well, okay, I don't want to sound ungrateful or anything, but Jesus Christ the story I got really sucked." Too old and cranky for that kind of thing, yaar.

As for Audblog, given that I literally cringe at the sound of my own voice and evidently (so say many onlisteners) talk about three times as fast as I sound to myself, that's a no-go. New icons, though? Loving it. So there. ;-)

[katallison.livejournal.com]

Yeah, the whole Santa-story thing seems to me to raise well-nigh infinite possibilities for embarrassment and resentment and general heart-burning, which -- I mean, it could be great, also, perhaps, but life is complicated enough already.

New icons, though? Loving it. So there. ;-)

Oh, go ahead and rub it in, you're probably one of those people who also can write the witty postcards. Bitch.

Hey you kids!

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

Sister! I'm glad to hear someone say that about the obscure fandoms thing -- I'm glad so many people are happy, but I don't think anything I particularly want to see is going to show up, and there's no way I could write something for someone else's list o stuff. I did it recently for a benefit zine and I did it in my own erratic way, and then friends accused me of cheating because I did it "wrong." Sigh.

Want to hear something even more uncharitable and that will probably make you feel much less curmudgeonly? I've avoided the extremely popular Buffy challenges because I'm always afraid that someone who agreed to write for my specs would give me a horrid story. I'd be writing my heart out, and then I'd get something that would violate the only kink I have -- really good writing. So I don't do it because I don't want to work my ass off and get something from someone who, for instance, has no love or feeling for my characters and turns in something full of bad dialog and characterization issues.

See? Makes you feel better, don't it? ;-) It's not the only reason, but it's one of many. The biggest is that spec thing but... I hope everyone has fun with it, but I'm going to be blitzed on eggnog and being relegated to a corner for asshats, in the end, I think.

Oh... and I love your Patti icon, so...

[tracy-rowan.livejournal.com]

Bwahahaha, word, word and word again.

Love,
Another cranky old geezer

[popfantastic.livejournal.com]

Psssst, Kat, this is not being aged and grumpy. This is existing in the state commonly referred to as "Too Cool For That." I, for instance, am way too cool for all the riff-raff of LJ to hear my voice. Secret Santas? Likewise. Way too cool to write for deadlines, never mind for other people.

And I'm not outside the party, I'm beyond it. Parties going on inside like they wouldn't believe.

Be careful. If the hip kids see you on that rocker they may get ideas and try to co-opt it for their own nefarious mainstream purposes.

[lunaris1013.livejournal.com]

Just how did you get to be so damn wise, you little whippersnapper?

::sits back and knits, hoping The Kids don't catch on to that, too::

[halimede.livejournal.com]

::sits back and knits, hoping The Kids don't catch on to that, too::

Too late.

[barkley.livejournal.com]

1. Icons? Heh, I can barely remember to switch the ones that I do have. I suppose if I actually used fandom icons, I'd be more inclined to up them, but I don't.

2. I don't write.

3. I sound like a twelve year old. It strikes me as terribly amusing when I'm yelling bad words that rhyme with othertrucker when I'm driving and pissed off, but....ooops, gotta go see my MI-5 agent break down now. *g*