(no subject)

[katallison]

Today I bring you two important life lessons, courtesy of Kat's School of Painfully Acquired Life Wisdom. (Our motto: "Oh My God I Am Such a Dumbfuck")

Lesson One: Do not lock yourself out of your house on a five-below-zero Christmas Eve.

So I decided late this morning to head out and do the last of my errands (wrapping paper! I have no wrapping paper, nor hooch!). I put on my coat, stuck my hand in my pocket, felt some keys, stepped out the door, pulled it firmly shut behind me, reached into my pocket, and found -- my work keys. Which is an entirely different set from my at-home keys (house, car, garage). I still don't know how this happened, since I *never* keep my work keys in my coat pocket, but anyway. So I cursed a minute, and then rang my upstairs neighbors' doorbell. And waited. And rang it again. And cursed some more. And finally acknowledged that they were out, which was bad news, because they're the only people who have a spare key to my place, and they are often gone for a day or two at the holidays, visiting their daughter.

So I set off for the wonderfully helpful neighborhood hardware store, which by great luck was open, and asked Grant, the pretty young guy working there today, if he knew of a good locksmith. He phoned a place, handed me the receiver, and right away I discovered I was again lucky, by getting not only an actual human being, but a genuine old-school Nice Minnesota Guy on the line. He made sympathetic sounds, got my name and address, and said he'd be there in 20 minutes.

I clomped back to the house and had settled down for a shivery wait on the front steps, when ... up drove my upstairs neighbors, who'd only been out getting some groceries. They let me in, I thawed my feet, and then went back out to wait for Nice Locksmith Guy, who, when he arrived (in exactly 20 minutes) made more sympathetic sounds and said that unfortunately, he was going to have to charge me $65 for the service call, for which he apologized at length ("Yah, I know it's dumb, the deal is I'll get in trouble if I don't"), while I at the same time was also apologizing at length for being such an idiot. I gave him my credit card and signed the slip and then gave him a twenty for coming all the way out on Christmas Eve, which he tried to refuse but I made him take.

I re-gathered all my stuff, drove off, did my first errand, and when I got to the cash register, discovered -- I didn't have my credit card. Which brings us to:

Lesson Two: If you are dumb enough to lock yourself out of the house, at least have enough brains to get your credit card back from the locksmith.

I freaked, realizing I didn't even know the name of the guy's company, since Grant the Pretty Hardware Store Boy had placed the call for me. So I drove back to the hardware store, got the name and number from Grant, drove home, called Nice Locksmith Guy, and got him *just* as he was about to leave for the day. We traded another round of mutual apologies ("Aw, heck, I don't know how I coulda done such a dumb thing, I'll just drive up there and bring it back to you then!" "No, I am *such* an idiot, all my fault, I'll be down there in 15 minutes to pick it up!").

I burned rubber getting down to the shop, where Nice Locksmith Guy (who'd stayed on well past closing time) had my card waiting, and also insisted on giving me a couple of business calendars. We had a final round of mutual extensive apologies, wished each other Merry Christmas, and I made my way home, where I am going to *stay* for the rest of the day, avoiding dangerous machinery, sharp pointed objects, or any systems or logistics more complex than opening a beer bottle.

(And I wish I could scan in the cover art on the locksmith business calendar for you--it's an amazing Norman-Rockwellesque painting of a small-town street scene, circa the early 1950s, with the cafe and soda fountain, the clothing store with a "Childrens Back to School Sale" sign in the window, the Studebakers and Ramblers parked at the curb, the service station with the old round-topped pumps.)

Comments

[bethbethbeth.livejournal.com]

Ah, Nice Old Minnesota Locksmith Guys: how I love thee!

(happy holidays, Kat. And...stay inside!!!! *G*)

[katallison.livejournal.com]

Trust me, I am. I *might* try doing dishes later, if I feel intrepid. (And happy holidays to you as well, Beth!)

[luminosity]

Wow! Y'all almost sound Southern. :)

[katallison.livejournal.com]

Do Southerners do that thing where, when you're visiting someone's house, and the time comes to say goodbye, there's a long period of standing in the doorway chatting, and then the hosts follow the guests out to the car and stand there a while more chatting, and it takes like forty-five minutes to complete the farewell ritual and get the hell out of there? I've always thought of that as classic Minnesota stuff, but it strikes me that that may be another area (along with the apology-rituals) in which Minnesotans and Southerners overlap.

I'm always pleasantly amazed by my friend from New York, who, when I say "Well, I guess I should be going," just says, "OK, bye, then," and leaves it at that. I admire her vastly, though I find it hard to do likewise.

[nestra.livejournal.com]

God, yes, although my husband and his family also refer to it as an Iowa goodbye.

[luminosity]

Oh yes! And there's a lot of hugging and promising to come back real soon y'all. There's another really irritating Southern custom, too. If you're on the phone and say that you have to go, nobody takes you seriously, and they usually launch into a long, entertaining, schadenfreude-laden story about someone you detest... How can you hang up?

The 45-minute goodbyes drive me *nuts*.

[firesprite1105.livejournal.com]

Oh, we did that in Wisconsin, too! :)

Haven't seen it happen in TX yet, but I haven't been here that long.

Merry Christmas! I found myself reading old discussions in your journal the other day and friended you; I hope you don't mind. I have endless love for your DS fic. :)

~Lori

P.S. Fraser as a priest? Intriguing and...yes, hot.

[hetrez.livejournal.com]

And, the thing is, I always need permission to leave, I feel impolite if I try to leave before my host has said goodbye. As if I were indentured into the visit and needed to be released by my hosts. I can't just go, I have to fidget and look at the door until someone says, "Well, I have things to do," and I think, thank god, and run away. If I lived in Minnesota or Georgia I'd get trapped in someone's house and never leave.

[falzalot.livejournal.com]

Oh man, what a start to the day! Here's hoping the rest of the holiday goes a bit better for you!

[katallison.livejournal.com]

Man, I hope so too. And I send you best wishes as well!

[umbo.livejournal.com]

What a day! I'm glad you have such nice people working near you. Keep warm and stay inside!

*smootch*

[katallison.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Shell! *hugging you* I'm sorry about your rowing machine ouchie--maybe a nice long hot bath would help!

[umbo.livejournal.com]

I'm about to head upstairs for a nice long shower, actually (kind of hard to wash the sweaty hair in the tub, y'know?). Then I shall settle in to watch television and knit until it's time to leave for S' house!

*hugs* back

[eliade.livejournal.com]

Oh darling! *hugs* You poor adorable thing. Some days I feel we are all heading into the Twilight of Lost Keys. *g* I am glad you were able to get things eventually sorted & make your way home again with hooch (and did you get nog? hooch-and-nog? because nog should be had by all. or maybe grog).

What are you doing right now? Are you napping? Watching holiday specials? Making amazing dinnery things? :)

[katallison.livejournal.com]

At this very moment? I am sipping Irish whisky (which is what I got at the hooch shop, along with a bottle of Knobs Creek for Mr. P.), reading a LotR story of Hal's that was just recced on crack_van, contemplating the need to do dishes in the near future, and nibbling Sesame Thin crackers. Later this evening I shall eat pasta puttanesca (garlic, hot peppers, garlic, anchovies, kalamata olives, and *garlic*) while listening to Anonymous 4 and admiring my tree, and waiting impatiently for the dS Seekrit Santa stories to be unleashed. (The dinnery-things-making will be tomorrow.)

And you? Right at this moment?

[eliade.livejournal.com]

I never did reply to you and now can't recall what I was doing. *g* But I reply to this comment just so I can kiss you for the random heck of it!

[darthrami.livejournal.com]

Eeegads. Thank god for nice minnesotan locksmith guys, and here's hoping the rest of the day is better.

[katallison.livejournal.com]

That guy was such a godsend, I tell you. I was contemplating spending my Christmas Eve sitting down in the homeless shelter or something. *g*

[jackiekjono.livejournal.com]

Thank you for making me grateful to be in Vegas. Watching my mom drop money into a slot machine is much more fun than that.

[katallison.livejournal.com]

You're in VEGAS?? *boggling* I did not know that.

You must bring back many tales of Vegas At Christmastime, and I'm strenuously hoping for you to win a ginormous jackpot, so that you may tell your job to take a hike. ::sending the luck-vibes your way::

[jackiekjono.livejournal.com]

Good luck vibes absolutely needed.

I'm just here until Sunday visiting my brother.

Christmas in Vegas is very, very weird. It's sunny and warm and the Salvation Army Santas are standing next to the guys passing out brochures for whorehouses.

[ineke.livejournal.com]

The fabled Minnesota Nice actually does exist! I'm so pleased for you :)

*sips pina colada in the sunshine*. You have a good one, sweetie, out there in the snowy wilds of the Midwest.

[katallison.livejournal.com]

Well, I tend to assume, and have usually found, that people are by and large nice the world over; but there's a kind of mutual-aid system that tends to exist among people who live in a harsh climate. (For example, if I get my car stuck in a snowbank, I know I have only to wait a few minutes and people will come along and push me out.)

And I steal a bit of your sunshine, and a sip of your pina colada. *g*

[tracy-rowan.livejournal.com]

Y'know I sorta guessed all those things were bad ideas but thanks for confirming it. *g* Hope the rest of the holiday is better for you, darlin'. Thinking about you.

[katallison.livejournal.com]

I'm thinking of you too, and sending best wishes to you in coping with all the insanity that's dropped on your plate lately. I really, really wish I could just *zot* myself down there, and we could go over to Taxco for lunch, and talk and talk and talk. *hug*

[musesfool.livejournal.com]

Eek!

At least it all worked out in the end. Now stay inside where it's warm.

Merry Christmas!

[katallison.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Vic, I shall. *g* And Merry Christmas to you as well!

[tehomet.livejournal.com]

Oy! Glad you got sorted out in the end. And happy holidays.

[aerye.livejournal.com]

Dude! Sucky happenings of the sucky degree!

I salute you with egg nog!

[meri-oddities.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Mr. Nice old locksmith was a nice guy and he got there fast. It happens to all of us. I've locked my keys in my car a countless number of times -- most times with the engine still running...

[laurashapiro.livejournal.com]

Oh my god, Kat, that is impressive. But instead of being in awe of a friend's absent-mindedness, I'd rather reflect on the kindness of your community, and the individuals who helped you along at each stage of your adventure. That's neighborliness. I feel all Garrison Keillored now.

[destina.livejournal.com]

*chuckle* I'm glad you're inside where it's warm and toasty, and where nothing else bad can happen. Right? Right. Merry Christmas, Kat. *hug*

[boniblithe.livejournal.com]

'ships Kat/Locksmith Guy

Your love is so full of holiday cheer!

[byob-kenobi.livejournal.com]

Awww! I'm sorry you had such a day of suckitude, but I'm giggling at all the apologies. We New Englanders don't tend to be that...effusive. :)

Merry Christmas! Enjoy your hooch.

[ardent-muses.livejournal.com]

This is like the first chapter to a romance novel. I mean, if Nice Locksmith Guy is/were attractive at all. And if you were looking, I mean.

Anyway.

Sorry you had a rough, rough day, but I love this story.

Merry Christmas ::hugs::

swwet sweet locksmiths

[kormantic.livejournal.com]

How I love them... Since I lock myself out of my car and/or my house, about five times a year.

Today, for example. I brought all my wrapped presents out to the car, opened the back door to get my sweater and my Auntie's present, closed the back door, put the present and my purse on the front passenger door, closed the door, put on my sweater... and realized I'd just locked my keys and my phone and my phone book in the car.

Heh.

And I'm very bad with phone numbers, and I have them programmed into the phone so I don't have to remember them and also, I was locked out of my house, which was actually a moot point, since I don't have a home phone, and my cell was in the car, so I BROKE INTO MY LANDLADY'S HOUSE to use her phone, and dialed the only two phone numbers I could remember.

Okay, the front door was unlocked, because JuJuBee's crazy, but that's neither here nor there, but still. If not breaking and entering, there was entering and trespassing at the very least and she may well be the type who pores over her phone bill and etc. and may see the unfamiliar numbers dialed out on her phone, but ideally, I'll be out of the place by then.

Usually when I lock myself out of my car (as I did when I was driving to North or South Carolina in October) I just call Triple A, but I didn't have my phone or the Triple A number, so I called my dad, who happens to have a spare key to my car, and all was well, after half an hour in the rain and (relative Florida December) cold.

Happy Christmas, Kat! And to all a spare key!