Tonight's Random Thoughts

[katallison]

My prediction: Assuming that the world holds together and we do not all die of Ebola/avian flu/radiation poisoning, or in some other manner plummet into a new Dark Age, I believe that at some point the neuroscientists and brain-chemistry wonks will formulate an antidepressant so quick and targeted that as soon as the black curtain begins descending, one can pop it like aspirin and head the monster off at the pass.

I mean -- right, some people have (as I have had in the past) persistent chronic depression resulting from some steady-state befuckedness of the brain chemistry, which will benefit from adherence to a consistent regimen of corrective medicine. But then there are situations like mine this past weekend, when for absolutely no reason whatsoever I was suddenly felled out of the blue by an incapacitating onset of the good old familiar paralysis-of-will, self-loathing, exhaustion, anhedonia, insane irritability, and readiness for swift death.

I made efforts to right the ship; I worked out, I forced myself to eat moderately nutritious food, I got out of the house and walked around, I did the rational self-talk. To no avail.

And then today, there was an almost palpable, audible swooosh as the god-damned chemistry started flowing through the proper channels again, and, just as suddenly as the depression had bushwhacked me, I was back among the good-humored and upbeat and energetic folk of this world.

I've compared these episodes before to riding in a plane that suddenly hits an air pocket and starts falling out of the sky; but the fact is it feels like the 24-hour flu, or PMS, it feels biological, hormonal, medical, I can feel it in my muscles and taste it in my mouth and sense the chemicals misfiring in my brain.

And I can't help but think that at some point they'll get a better handle on what's going on with this stuff, find a circuit-breaker pill that will short-circuit the blackout. I just wish they had it now, because kee-rist, what a *waste of time* these interludes are.



Also, I cannot really in good conscience any longer call myself a media fan ...

Around 8:50 this evening I had the "oh HELL" moment when I realized that once again I'd spaced on tuning in House, which, since it's the only live TV show I'm watching at all these days, you'd think I could *remember.*

And then I went back and looked through the madly comprehensive list tzikeh assembled for the Vividcon premiere survey, of shows people might conceivably be vidding, and I realized that I could construct the following list:

Live or Recently Defunct Shows Various of My Friends Are Digging but of Which I Have Never Seen a Single Episode, Nor Even Seen Enough Snippets to Know Who The Hell These People Are and What's Going On:

Stargate Atlantis
Veronica Mars
24
Andromeda
Battlestar Galactica
Desperate Housewives
The L Word
Numb3rs
Lost
Gilmore Girls
The Wire
CSI of any flavor
Reality shows of any sort whatsoever

Which could in turn be supplemented by:

Recent-ish Shows I Only Have the Vaguest Idea Of Because I Saw a Vid and Some Kind Soul Filled Me In On Who the Hell These People Are and What's Going On, in Very General Terms, But Of Which I Have Never Seen a Single Actual Episode:

Dead Like Me
Dead Zone
Deadwood
Jeremiah
Joan of Arcadia
Keen Eddie
OC
Odyssey 5
QAF, UK and US
Six Feet Under
Star Trek, anything other than TOS
Witchblade
Wonderfalls

Really, you know, I hardly watch *TV*, is the sad truth of it. And while I am wildly happy that writers and vidders are leaping around out of the old established fandoms and into all these strange new worlds, it means I do a lot more skimming on LJ than I used to. (And I'll have to have some kindly young person sitting near my rocking chair at Vividcon, murmuring background fill-in info into my hearing aid as I mumble querulously "Eh? Eh? Now what's all this, dearie?")

Comments

[bethbethbeth.livejournal.com]

Of the shows on your list, I've seen half a season of Stargate: Atlantis (and nothing else from the above list. Of the bottom ones, well...yes to the Star Treks (Enterprise and Voyager barely), Joan of Arcadia (mostly), Keen Eddie, Six Feet Under, and one ep of Deadwood.

I haven't watched enough SG-1 to know what's going on in vids, and if we include movies, I haven't seen the Fast and the Furious, Alexander, Troy, Van Helsing, or half a dozen other films people are writing about.

You're not alone. *g*

-Beth, who just finished watching the tape of HOuse.

[auroramama]

Well, you've made me feel a little better -- at least I'm watching a couple of shows that are currently alive.

As to the chemistry thing, yes, please, soon. Or maybe it will be electromagnetism -- it can feel like a connection broken, too. You walk into the house, flick on the light, nothing happens, and you realize that you forgot to pay the final notice bill from the Will to Live company.

[aerye.livejournal.com]

Oh dear god--I know. I feel completely exhausted trying to keep these days--I just can't. I think, oh, I should download Stargate Atlantis, I should download--whatever! And I just don't have the energy. ::g:: Multi-fannish my ass--I feel psychotic!

[laurashapiro.livejournal.com]

I'd volunteer to be the one mumbling into your hearing aid, but I only watch one show, too. I could mumble about Battlestar Galactica, but most of the others? I'd be no help at all.

One show. I like to think it's a helpful return to a serially monofannish focus (which always has suited me better than polyfanory), but the truth is, I mostly just don't *care* about a lot of what's out there -- can't be arsed even to get pimped.

I'm tentatively dipping my toe into SFU and Jeremiah, but I don't expect miracles.

[maygra.livejournal.com]

Not that I'm going to vividcon, but really, two shows: Without a Trace which I'm not remotely interested in writing (although I love to read Danny/Martin) and Battlestar Galactica which I also have absolutely no desire to write because you know, no slash pair to ping my attention.

Which leaves The Fast and The Furious with one movie which apparently has a limited appeal. I know the characters in SG1 but haven't watched it in three years and as for the the rest of network or even cable TV, not watching anything, have no clue about House, Veronica Mars, Numb3rs, etc., ad nauseum. I love Jeremiah but seem perenially stalled on contributing anything worth while.

You are not alone.

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

I don't have a tv at schoo, so this is the first year I've been at college where I've actively followed any TV, really (aside from downloading SV to keep up freshman year). It's very odd to get used to -- I've been watching House, and Numb3rs, and Veronica Mars -- no shows to three shows! Only, really, I don't find myself feeling especially fannish about any of them, is the thing. I mean, House and Numb3rs I both think are enjoyable, good, solid shows, and Veronica Mars makes me squee on a regular basis, but they don't set off the bit of my brain that latches on to fannish things. I know enough to appreciate other people's fannish activities, but the only things living in my head right now are dS (and to a lesser extent, Wilby Wonderful).

[wickdzoot.livejournal.com]

Oh, man. Brain chemistry is a bitch. Seriously. :hugs:

[musesfool.livejournal.com]

Oh, Veronica Mars is FABulous - it's a high school neo-noir. Seriously. I know it sounds insane, but it works. If you like detective/noir fiction, give it a shot in reruns. *G*

*points at icon*

The girl is Veronica Mars and the boy is Wallace Fennell, her best friend. They have the best platonic frienship on tv!

[violetisblue.livejournal.com]

Considering how weirdly guilty I feel sometimes at not being Part of Active Fandom Stuff, you've made me feel sort of relieved. ;-) Welcome to Club Oblivious! (Though I think you would just love QAF UK. Haven't seen the American version.)

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

With the exception of Keen Eddie and QAF US, you and I are in the same boat. And I watch a lot of TV.

[elke-tanzer.livejournal.com]

Thanks for making me think this evening... :-)

[thefourthvine.livejournal.com]

I've seen slightly less than half of one episode of one of the shows you listed, and that's both lists, and that's because Best Beloved watched one of 'em and talked me through part of it. I don't expect to see any of them in the future, either.

But then, I have never called myself a media fan; you have to watch TV to be that. I consider myself a fandom fan. Because the thing is, I'm in several of the above fandoms. I just have never seen the canon.

For me, TV is at best a waste of time that could be spent admiring other people's wild enthusiasm and fannish love for TV shows.

[killabeez.livejournal.com]

Oh, I'm so right there with you on the obliviousness to the current shows. I've thought about making a post to this effect, but was too uninvolved to get around to it. *g* Of the ones on your "Live" list, only Battlestar Galactica have I seen, and that's only because Janis sent me all the eps months ago and I'm finally getting around to watching it now. (The other list I'm about 50/50 on, though. Maybe I'm slightly less codger-like. Heh.)

It was oddly reassuring to read your description of the way you experience depression. I get that, too, exactly like that. Most of the time, I consider myself to be pretty upbeat, even. But every so often, something misfires -- that's exactly the way I've always thought of it -- and for a couple of days, I just want to kill everyone, starting with me. It's rare, fortunately. But very real when it happens.

*hugs you*

I want to thank you for your meme idea the other day. I don't know if I'll actually get around to writing anything up, but I've been thinking a lot about the question you posed, and it's proving helpful in adjusting my volume control on the negative inner voices to actually think about which parts of a story succeeded and which failed.

[killabeez.livejournal.com]

P.S. re: BSG - it has CKR on it, you know. :D This drastically increased its chances of being viewed by me. It also has this pretty blond guy. (see icon)

[sisabet.livejournal.com]

OMG! Renenet *told* me that he was in HH and I just...I forgot about it. I wonder if the vids are gonna look strange to me now?

::can't wait to go home and look::

I have been ravenously consuming television lately and part of it is just comfort eating in the wake of losing the Jossverse, but another very significant part is a desire to keep making vids and telling stories and I'll hear a song and it will strike me in a particular way and I'll think "Oh, I want to explore/think about this" and then I'll realize that I don't have a character that I can approach this story through... yet.

That and I am a sucker for serial formats. Arcs are my friend.

[killabeez.livejournal.com]

You know what, though? He was so young in HH, he doesn't even look like the same person. Hair color aside, his face has totally changed since then. It's only when he smiles that I go, "Archie!"

[firesprite1105.livejournal.com]

Well, I haven't seen a single episode of any of the shows on your list. It hasn't stopped me from enjoying the fic, though. :)

[lunaris1013.livejournal.com]

I also get those misfire days, and damn but they always happen at the worst times. I've lost entire weekends recently.

I found that fandom list interesting. While there are a couple of things on there that I'm quite keen for (QaF US, Lost), and some things I've dipped my toes into (VMars, Numb3rs), I'm not at all fannish about any of them. I'm one of a few dozen people making a fandom out of cable news. ::shrugs::

Nonetheless, I still consider myself a media fan simply because I know that eventually I'll fall into a traditional fandom again - just like I'll have another brief depressive episode. It's the way I'm wired.

[luminosity]

You know what? I hardly watch TV either. I mean, I watch "a show." Maybe. Maybe a couple. But ehhhh. Angel's been over for one year today, and I have yet to find a live show that fannishly holds my interest. Instead, I've wallowed in shows that are over and done with, have a closed canon, and are, well, too pretty for their own good.

You and I can sit together and VVC and rock and nod off and talk about the good old days, okay?

[jackiekjono.livejournal.com]

Every now and again I get whacked by one of those spells while I am standing at an intersection and a truck is coming up.

Scares the hell out of me.

[alexfandra.livejournal.com]

I did watch all of "Keen Eddie" and have seen one episode of "Dead Like Me" and a few eps of "Lost", and am currently enjoying "Doctor Who", but in all honesty, if the entire television broadcasting system collapsed right this minute, I wouldn't be in the least upset. It's now been over five months since I cancelled my cable (and I can't get *any* channels without it), and I've only had a few moments here and there of "Oh, wouldn't it be nice to channel surf for a bit" thoughts. Those soon go away. Baseball games are actually better on the radio -- less "color commentary", more play-by-play action. It's getting more difficult, though, for me to understand what my friends are talking about/fannish about, and I have absolutely nothing to contribute to their conversations. I'm not sure why I lost interest in TV shows, but I do know that earlier shows like Pros and Highlander and Due South and to a minor extent Buffy, made me want to create stuff, but the newer shows don't. There's nothing out there that makes me want to write or draw or make songvids, and without that kind of interaction/inspiration, I just don't care that much.

And yes, biochemistry is a bitch. I get a thankfully mild version of what you describe about twice a month for about half a day each time, and I know exactly what it is when it shows up, and just repeat "It's just hormonal, it'll pass" until the Happy Happy Joy Joy biochemistry kicks back in. And ever since getting through the euphemistic Change of Life, it has gradually gotten better. I think the worst part, for me, is knowing that my "normal" mind/emotions/entire mental outlook on life can be so thoroughly altered by something that's actually inside of my own body. Who *is* that person with the sudden dark mood who can't think of one good reason to do *anything*? It brings up all kinds of disconcerting philosophical questions which I try to suppress because otherwise they make me feel like an amorphous existential nothingness drifting in a giant ocean of unreality and insignificance. And *that's* no fun at all. Plus, as you say, a huge effing waste of time.

[elynross.livejournal.com]

See, really, this provides fannish balance, because of your list, outside of reality TV and maybe 3-4 others (The L Word&The Wire, which I know minimally, The OC and Gilmore Girls, which I know not at all, and Andromeda, which I haven't watched this season), I watch... all of these. And more.

[valarltd.livejournal.com]

Don't feel too badly. I consider myself a fandom whore, and I'm STILL only watching 4 of the things on your lists:
24, Dead Like Me, QAF and ST:TNG (occasionally DS9)


I hate watching TV.
I'm much more about movies and DVDs. And my tastes are stuck in the mid 80s.
I still make non-ironic Star Wars vids for crying out loud!

Polyfandom is not for everyone

[giglet.livejournal.com]

RE fannishness... I think your perspective is skewed by exposure to the omni-fannish (or at least poly-fannish) folks on LJ. Being conversant in other people's fandoms helps with small-talk, but there's nothing unusual at being active on only one fandom. Or one fandom at a time.

RE brain chemistry... I dunno, have you thought about Tai Chi as a tool to help right the ship?

[schuyler.livejournal.com]

That is exactly what I've been trying to say. I feel guilty for skimming (and more than a little alone), but it doesn't seem likely that I will discover a deep love for CSI (or the will to even watch CSI), so alone I shall stay. I'll grab a rocking chair too.

[aukestrel.livejournal.com]

I get you. I've tried. I've really *tried*.

To date, the only other show besides due South that I've seen (and as usual I'm SO late to the party) that made me sit up and go, "Whoa. Did they just say what I thought they just said?" is The Magnificent Seven. OZ doesn't count since the slash isn't subtext!

The only movie I've seen "lately" that did the same was Ocean's 11. (HCL - well, the slash isn't exactly subtext...)

I have to conclude my slash-o-vision is severely myopic. *g*

With that said...

I've tried to watch shows just to,you know, enjoy them. Some of the shows that I've tried to watch and not been able to get into are the shows everyone raves about - Smallville, Stargate (any), Battlestar Galactica, House, CSI or CIS or whatever it is, or they are, Veronica Mars? Jeez oh pete, the only Mars I ever heard of was the Eyes of Laura Mars, so clearly I am not only Out of It but Old.

I did start watching Nip/Tuck when it first came on and liked it, but I lost it in the morass of my life. I have been watching Lost regularly, after a late start, and love it. I've been trying to watch Without a Trace more regularly, and I continue to love L&O: Criminal Intent. I used to watch L&O: SVU but found that I was more interested in Munch and Fin than anything else, and a lot of the plots were starting to bother me. A friend at work turned me on to The Sopranos after an impassioned discussion of The Godfather, and I love it but still haven't gotten to the fifth season. I'm watching L&O again too since it has Michael Imperioli on it. (And yo dudes why (again) didn't anyone TELL me about that?)

I'm a monofan. Always have been, always will be. That's just how I am. *g*

Include me in

[(Anonymous)]

With the exception of CSI (I watched the first two seasons, my list is much like yours. Except you have a bunch of shows on your "watched a vid or someone explained it to me" list that would be on my "not a clue" list.

The only show I watched this past season was Navy NCIS (I have a Mark Harmon thing) and I'm not a bit fannish about it.

Any more, my television is just a dustcatcher.

AnneZo