Tonight's Random Thoughts
May. 17th, 2005 09:46 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
My prediction: Assuming that the world holds together and we do not all die of Ebola/avian flu/radiation poisoning, or in some other manner plummet into a new Dark Age, I believe that at some point the neuroscientists and brain-chemistry wonks will formulate an antidepressant so quick and targeted that as soon as the black curtain begins descending, one can pop it like aspirin and head the monster off at the pass.
I mean -- right, some people have (as I have had in the past) persistent chronic depression resulting from some steady-state befuckedness of the brain chemistry, which will benefit from adherence to a consistent regimen of corrective medicine. But then there are situations like mine this past weekend, when for absolutely no reason whatsoever I was suddenly felled out of the blue by an incapacitating onset of the good old familiar paralysis-of-will, self-loathing, exhaustion, anhedonia, insane irritability, and readiness for swift death.
I made efforts to right the ship; I worked out, I forced myself to eat moderately nutritious food, I got out of the house and walked around, I did the rational self-talk. To no avail.
And then today, there was an almost palpable, audible swooosh as the god-damned chemistry started flowing through the proper channels again, and, just as suddenly as the depression had bushwhacked me, I was back among the good-humored and upbeat and energetic folk of this world.
I've compared these episodes before to riding in a plane that suddenly hits an air pocket and starts falling out of the sky; but the fact is it feels like the 24-hour flu, or PMS, it feels biological, hormonal, medical, I can feel it in my muscles and taste it in my mouth and sense the chemicals misfiring in my brain.
And I can't help but think that at some point they'll get a better handle on what's going on with this stuff, find a circuit-breaker pill that will short-circuit the blackout. I just wish they had it now, because kee-rist, what a *waste of time* these interludes are.
Also, I cannot really in good conscience any longer call myself a media fan ...
Around 8:50 this evening I had the "oh HELL" moment when I realized that once again I'd spaced on tuning in House, which, since it's the only live TV show I'm watching at all these days, you'd think I could *remember.*
And then I went back and looked through the madly comprehensive list
![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
Live or Recently Defunct Shows Various of My Friends Are Digging but of Which I Have Never Seen a Single Episode, Nor Even Seen Enough Snippets to Know Who The Hell These People Are and What's Going On:
Stargate Atlantis
Veronica Mars
24
Andromeda
Battlestar Galactica
Desperate Housewives
The L Word
Numb3rs
Lost
Gilmore Girls
The Wire
CSI of any flavor
Reality shows of any sort whatsoever
Which could in turn be supplemented by:
Recent-ish Shows I Only Have the Vaguest Idea Of Because I Saw a Vid and Some Kind Soul Filled Me In On Who the Hell These People Are and What's Going On, in Very General Terms, But Of Which I Have Never Seen a Single Actual Episode:
Dead Like Me
Dead Zone
Deadwood
Jeremiah
Joan of Arcadia
Keen Eddie
OC
Odyssey 5
QAF, UK and US
Six Feet Under
Star Trek, anything other than TOS
Witchblade
Wonderfalls
Really, you know, I hardly watch *TV*, is the sad truth of it. And while I am wildly happy that writers and vidders are leaping around out of the old established fandoms and into all these strange new worlds, it means I do a lot more skimming on LJ than I used to. (And I'll have to have some kindly young person sitting near my rocking chair at Vividcon, murmuring background fill-in info into my hearing aid as I mumble querulously "Eh? Eh? Now what's all this, dearie?")
(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-18 02:53 am (UTC)I haven't watched enough SG-1 to know what's going on in vids, and if we include movies, I haven't seen the Fast and the Furious, Alexander, Troy, Van Helsing, or half a dozen other films people are writing about.
You're not alone. *g*
-Beth, who just finished watching the tape of HOuse.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-18 02:56 am (UTC)As to the chemistry thing, yes, please, soon. Or maybe it will be electromagnetism -- it can feel like a connection broken, too. You walk into the house, flick on the light, nothing happens, and you realize that you forgot to pay the final notice bill from the Will to Live company.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-18 03:00 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-18 03:02 am (UTC)One show. I like to think it's a helpful return to a serially monofannish focus (which always has suited me better than polyfanory), but the truth is, I mostly just don't *care* about a lot of what's out there -- can't be arsed even to get pimped.
I'm tentatively dipping my toe into SFU and Jeremiah, but I don't expect miracles.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-18 03:11 am (UTC)Which leaves The Fast and The Furious with one movie which apparently has a limited appeal. I know the characters in SG1 but haven't watched it in three years and as for the the rest of network or even cable TV, not watching anything, have no clue about House, Veronica Mars, Numb3rs, etc., ad nauseum. I love Jeremiah but seem perenially stalled on contributing anything worth while.
You are not alone.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-18 03:13 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-18 03:14 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-18 03:17 am (UTC)*points at icon*
The girl is Veronica Mars and the boy is Wallace Fennell, her best friend. They have the best platonic frienship on tv!
(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-18 03:21 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-18 04:17 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-18 06:49 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-18 07:23 am (UTC)But then, I have never called myself a media fan; you have to watch TV to be that. I consider myself a fandom fan. Because the thing is, I'm in several of the above fandoms. I just have never seen the canon.
For me, TV is at best a waste of time that could be spent admiring other people's wild enthusiasm and fannish love for TV shows.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-18 09:43 am (UTC)It was oddly reassuring to read your description of the way you experience depression. I get that, too, exactly like that. Most of the time, I consider myself to be pretty upbeat, even. But every so often, something misfires -- that's exactly the way I've always thought of it -- and for a couple of days, I just want to kill everyone, starting with me. It's rare, fortunately. But very real when it happens.
*hugs you*
I want to thank you for your meme idea the other day. I don't know if I'll actually get around to writing anything up, but I've been thinking a lot about the question you posed, and it's proving helpful in adjusting my volume control on the negative inner voices to actually think about which parts of a story succeeded and which failed.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-18 09:45 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-18 09:18 pm (UTC)::can't wait to go home and look::
I have been ravenously consuming television lately and part of it is just comfort eating in the wake of losing the Jossverse, but another very significant part is a desire to keep making vids and telling stories and I'll hear a song and it will strike me in a particular way and I'll think "Oh, I want to explore/think about this" and then I'll realize that I don't have a character that I can approach this story through... yet.
That and I am a sucker for serial formats. Arcs are my friend.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-18 09:37 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-18 11:09 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-18 12:06 pm (UTC)I found that fandom list interesting. While there are a couple of things on there that I'm quite keen for (QaF US, Lost), and some things I've dipped my toes into (VMars, Numb3rs), I'm not at all fannish about any of them. I'm one of a few dozen people making a fandom out of cable news. ::shrugs::
Nonetheless, I still consider myself a media fan simply because I know that eventually I'll fall into a traditional fandom again - just like I'll have another brief depressive episode. It's the way I'm wired.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-18 01:52 pm (UTC)You and I can sit together and VVC and rock and nod off and talk about the good old days, okay?
(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-18 02:21 pm (UTC)Scares the hell out of me.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-18 04:20 pm (UTC)And yes, biochemistry is a bitch. I get a thankfully mild version of what you describe about twice a month for about half a day each time, and I know exactly what it is when it shows up, and just repeat "It's just hormonal, it'll pass" until the Happy Happy Joy Joy biochemistry kicks back in. And ever since getting through the euphemistic Change of Life, it has gradually gotten better. I think the worst part, for me, is knowing that my "normal" mind/emotions/entire mental outlook on life can be so thoroughly altered by something that's actually inside of my own body. Who *is* that person with the sudden dark mood who can't think of one good reason to do *anything*? It brings up all kinds of disconcerting philosophical questions which I try to suppress because otherwise they make me feel like an amorphous existential nothingness drifting in a giant ocean of unreality and insignificance. And *that's* no fun at all. Plus, as you say, a huge effing waste of time.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-18 05:01 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-18 06:47 pm (UTC)24, Dead Like Me, QAF and ST:TNG (occasionally DS9)
I hate watching TV.
I'm much more about movies and DVDs. And my tastes are stuck in the mid 80s.
I still make non-ironic Star Wars vids for crying out loud!
Polyfandom is not for everyone
Date: 2005-05-18 08:58 pm (UTC)RE brain chemistry... I dunno, have you thought about Tai Chi as a tool to help right the ship?
(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-19 12:39 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-29 02:43 am (UTC)To date, the only other show besides due South that I've seen (and as usual I'm SO late to the party) that made me sit up and go, "Whoa. Did they just say what I thought they just said?" is The Magnificent Seven. OZ doesn't count since the slash isn't subtext!
The only movie I've seen "lately" that did the same was Ocean's 11. (HCL - well, the slash isn't exactly subtext...)
I have to conclude my slash-o-vision is severely myopic. *g*
With that said...
I've tried to watch shows just to,you know, enjoy them. Some of the shows that I've tried to watch and not been able to get into are the shows everyone raves about - Smallville, Stargate (any), Battlestar Galactica, House, CSI or CIS or whatever it is, or they are, Veronica Mars? Jeez oh pete, the only Mars I ever heard of was the Eyes of Laura Mars, so clearly I am not only Out of It but Old.
I did start watching Nip/Tuck when it first came on and liked it, but I lost it in the morass of my life. I have been watching Lost regularly, after a late start, and love it. I've been trying to watch Without a Trace more regularly, and I continue to love L&O: Criminal Intent. I used to watch L&O: SVU but found that I was more interested in Munch and Fin than anything else, and a lot of the plots were starting to bother me. A friend at work turned me on to The Sopranos after an impassioned discussion of The Godfather, and I love it but still haven't gotten to the fifth season. I'm watching L&O again too since it has Michael Imperioli on it. (And yo dudes why (again) didn't anyone TELL me about that?)
I'm a monofan. Always have been, always will be. That's just how I am. *g*
Include me in
Date: 2005-05-29 11:33 pm (UTC)The only show I watched this past season was Navy NCIS (I have a Mark Harmon thing) and I'm not a bit fannish about it.
Any more, my television is just a dustcatcher.
AnneZo